this will drag on but really i just want to know what you think

Eli likes to hang out with kids his own age and height. He follows them, mimics them, stares at them and steals their toys. Of course, it's touching AND it tires him out so always, after playing with his homies, lies the promise of a nap. These days I join him in a napping, cuddling extravaganza. Our chances to do this are available for a  limited time only. Something like fifty days until theboywecannotagreeonanamefor will get borned. In a selfish way, I miss Eli already. In the time that is just ours and there are no tantrums and only smiles, I miss him NOW for what is so soon to be juggled into shapes I cannot imagine. I find big comfort in his interest in other kids because he has developed hobbies outside of me. Perhaps that'll help him handle our new nameless baby boy.

But really this has nothing to do with the boy-a-coming or how Eli will handle it all, not to mention how I'm going to handle it. There will be plenty of time for that post-partum.

It's more about this question.

This question has been nagging at me for a spell. If Eli is so content in the company of others then what exactly is the advantage of having him at home with me? It's potentially cheaper to keep him home. And I get to feed him exactly what I want, discipline him exactly how I want and snuggle him at my every whim. Those are all real benefits but I wonder if I am compromising his opportunity to interact with different folks and their different strokes by keeping him so close at hand.

Both of my parents worked. I have fond memories of daycare and babysitters and none of them trumped the influence my parents had on me. I didn't feel abandoned or even sidelined by Mom and Dad. I don't ever remember wishing I could go home to a parent instead of whatever the arrangement of the moment was. Would I be a totally different person if I had had a stay-at-home-parent? I don't see any proof among my peers that having a parent at home during childhood guarantees any edge in the morality, academic or life skills department. What am I missing?

Part of the preparations for Boy Wonder II have included two daycare options for Eli. Both options could be called upon as needed. And in doing this, I'm wondering would it be best for him to spend some time with others since so much of the world and his experience in this world will be without me.

In many, maybe most, ways I am happy to be at home with kids but suddenly as Eli is asserting his desires I wonder if home isn't  just a little claustrophobic. And by home I mainly mean with me all day wherever that is. We go places and meet people and play and his days are busy but might he get even more exposure and structure and varied takes on the world with someone besides me?

Now, if he were anywhere outside of my eyeshot, I'd miss moments like this and that would be a shame.

Comments

[Marie]

You have to do what feels right to you, Meredith.

My boy's two, and I'm not ready to hand him over to someone else. I want to be there for his moments. But it's different here, since my husband & I alternate who's caring for him as I do work part-time. I also really enjoy organizing activities and outings for him. It's just fun, and I like to be there for it.

You don't mention it in your post, but do you get time for you? to recharge? That must come into the equation somewhere, no? My own stay-home mother didn't do that, and I think we'd have benefitted if she had some regular time away from us, to pursue an interest of her own (besides us).

Do what seems right for you and your family. And if you try something different & don't like it, you don't have to stick with it. It might take some trial & error of this & that to find something that feels right...

[Sarcasmom]

If you get a definitive solution to this quandry, then you should tackle world peace. I went back to work when my kids were 3,5, and 7. Up til then they were with me although i did send them to a nursery school program 3 mornings a week when they were 3 & 4. So they all had diffrent amounts of time with me home. I can say it made no difference in their outcome. It is I found the quality and not the quantity of time you spend with your child. How many parents who are home plop their kids in front of a TV? Do what works for you. You'll feel guilty either way. Trust me.

[Unga Chunga]

The age old question of both the working mom and the stay-at-home Mom. In most of our cases (working Moms of my generation) there was no choice involved - we had to work to make ends meet. So I think anyone who can actually afford to stay home should try and do it at least for the early formative years. Gradually re-entering the workforce perhaps part time at first and with flexable arrangements could be the best of both worlds!

[Unga Chunga]

The age old question of both the working mom and the stay-at-home Mom. In most of our cases (working Moms of my generation) there was no choice involved - we had to work to make ends meet. So I think anyone who can actually afford to stay home should try and do it at least for the early formative years. Gradually re-entering the workforce perhaps part time at first and with flexable arrangements could be the best of both worlds!

[Unga Chunga]

The age old question of both the working mom and the stay-at-home Mom. In most of our cases (working Moms of my generation) there was no choice involved - we had to work to make ends meet. So I think anyone who can actually afford to stay home should try and do it at least for the early formative years. Gradually re-entering the workforce perhaps part time at first and with flexable arrangements could be the best of both worlds!

[maria]

Hi Meredith..I can't tell you what is right for your family. What I can tell you as someone above mentioned you have to make time for yourself.I also know that this time when your children are little goes by terribly fast.I personally want to share and watch that time as much as possible. now this may seem old fashoined but you know that I am in many ways. My children are my responsibility.They were entrusted to me.That's not to say that a parent who needs to work is somehow skirting that responsibility but we are blessed that Ryan and I don't have that need right now.Someday I will return to a "job" but right now I feel called to my kids.I also have to mention that my choice to stay home was strongly influenced by the fact that my husband is active duty. He will be deployed.Sometimes, like right now, to very dangerous places and for a long time.I want to be the constant for them.You can't underestimate how much your time with Eli really means. Especially as a military family. Having said all that,if you have a choice you have to always do what's best for your family. Some Mom's for their own sanity need to get out and work outside the home.For this momma it's late night runs on the treadmill and a whole lot of prayer:)

[anne]

eeeeee. good luck! i kept kein home til he was three, had a babysitter 2 evenings a week during the school year, from the time he was about 6 months (1x so i could teach at a school, 1x so i could get out and complete my sentences). i worked part-time from home the rest of the time, and in the summer it was only 2x a month. that worked well for us. i think that in the summer it's possible to go without as much help because there's so much to DO, but in the winter i would have chewed my arms off if i hadn't been able to leave him with somebody else.

it is absolutely true-to-meredith-form that the first person whose happiness you're considering is his. keep updating on how the decision making goes; i'm interested in what you decide.

[Elizabeth]

That photo is just the best! I would have to blow that up and put it on my wall-- he is too delicious.

[Old Horsetail Snake]

What a great looking kid! I am going to leave others to comment on your dilemma, except to say whatever you decide will work out.

What I want to do is give you a name for the great unnamed: Benjamin. Ain't that cute? Of course everybody will call him Bennie, but that's okay, too.

(You don't like that? How about Cuthbert?)

[MommaK]

Oh Hoss, we'd like that name ;-)

What to do....

I think he's better off home with you arranging playdates & activities for him. They grow up too fast and are soon in school full time - no turning back then. I rushed my oldest into programs and school because I wanted her social and happy. With my second, I didn't want her anywhere except with me. If I ever have a third, I may just homeschool too.

Just my opinion. You're one of the best moms I know so I'm sure you'll do fine which ever way you go.

That picture is wonderful, btw. Please give him a kiss from me :)
xo

[burgshe]

If I were you, I'd stick with them as long as you can. Hold them tight.