god or whoever makes them cute for a reason

On Friday, Eli weighed in close to 27 pounds. Today, two days later,  it's not likely he weighs that much. He's come down with a case of the trots.

Our carpet and patience are suffering much more than Eli appears to be. When we decided on a carpet I insisted  we get the off-white variety. That was a poor choice. I've made a holy mess of the carpet and I suspect I've mostly just ground in debris. My cleaning skills are on par with my interior design instincts. How do you wipe something off a carpet without burying it deeper? It all makes me shudder.

Also our patience is more or less gone. Before Eli was born Joe and I had a conversation about how he thought he'd be more patient with Eli than I was. I agreed because he was more patient then. It turns out I'm a trainable. Eli has trained me to be more patient. Sometimes the patience is graceful and I pat myself on the back. Sometimes it's just a dull glaze and a body that remains while my mind spins wildly, angrily out of control and out of reach of Eli and sharp objects. Sometimes I leave the room.

So Joe hesitantly acknowledged that I am high on patience these days. Higher than he is. Flattered and surprised at what might have been an admission of defeat in his mind, I filled the next few minutes with some nonsense. I rambled on somewhere in there about surrender and that part I meant for real. I have surrendered to all things Eli. His will and needs trump my own within reason. I don't claim that this is the right or wrong thing to do. It's just been a matter of survival for me in spending the amount of time a day that I do with him.

Joe is frustrated by how Eli won't play one thing for any good amount of time and that the thing that Eli does want to do isn't necessarily what Joe wants to do. Joe wants to play ball. Eli wants to open and shut the screen door. Joe wants to read a book. Eli wants to eat the book. Joe wants Eli to put the food in his mouth. Eli wants to throw it on the floor. I agree that many things Eli are frustrating if you have a particular outcome in mind. And sometimes you do. Sometimes you have to go to the doctor or just spend a moment by yourself in the bathroom or you'd just rather not deal with an incident at that exact moment. The frustration makes all sorts of sense. I don't begrudge Joe a second of it. I just can't help but marvel a bit at my own general state of steadiness in the face of all of Eli's dissent. It is not always so but like I said, generally. Or sometimes.

If I were a girl scout, I'd say I'd earned my motherhoodinthetrenches badge is all. In my acceptance speech for said badge, I would thank my parents for raising, not abandoning, me and ask only that the trenches be less about poop tomorrow.

Comments

[LadyBug Crossing]

Poopie in the carpet? Oh you poor thing!

You've definitely earned your patience badge for this age and stage of Eli's development!! Don't forget, the teen years are coming - you gotta save part of your badge requirements for then.

Mothers, world wide, have been putting their needs aside for eons. It's just they way it is - the nature of the beast as they say. Don't forget to do things for yourself - even if it is simply closing the bathroom door to pee. :-)

LBC

[anne]

i would like to be supportive and kind but i am busy laughing about trenches and poop. thank you for shouldering on, with patience and humor. you could lead multitudes.

[Marie]

I'm with you on the wish for less poop. We went to the zoo today. I swear K was competing with the elephants with the travesty he left in his diaper... for me to clean up in the public restroom.

You're doing great, Meredith!

[Elizabeth]

Let me just say that the badge ceremony should be preceded by you lying on a massage table getting a full body massage, facial, manicure and pedicure-- and then your body is wrapped in the most luxurious fluffy terry cloth robe and then you are bundled onto a deeply comfortable chaise lounge where you gaze upong a comforting vista-- and your beverage of choice is offered to you. Then, the badge ceremony begins.

Go you!

[Raehan]

Tell Joe it gets easier.

1 1/2 is a challenge. You have the right attitude. Just glaze over, go with the Eli's flow, and stare at the cutest part of his body when you think you are going to go nutso. That will pull you through the rough spots.