black and white and red all over

Friday is story time at the library. Mostly it's a dozen mothers, their kids and a circle on the floor. Sometimes Dads come too. Yesterday was the start of a new session and moments before the start of the show my vagina doctor, his wife and daughter waltzed through the door. Panic set in. I made some attempt to nod or bow or recognize his presence in some fashion before I set about avoiding eye contact for the rest of the story. With a forced sense of enthusiasm I engaged Eli and the mothers on my left and right in small talk. As Dr. Bytheway was directly across from me there was some muscular restraint involved in keeping my eyes off of him. I was successful until he and his family approached me afterwards. I motor-mouthed my way through unconnected topics ranging from dragon boat races, diapers, and what a bang up job Joe did waxing the kitchen floor. One time, ONCE, I took a breath before making a compelling comment about the recent humidity. Dr. Bytheway swooped in and laid down some business. Had I made the T.O.E. appointment yet? And when was my next scheduled appoinment with him? I may have answered him. Hard to say. I was too busy sweating from pits to toes and running out the door

Thou shalt not allude to OB relationships outside of OB offices. What if I poop on the table during delivery or do a crappy shave job before the big day? Is that then conversation for the mingling minutes after story time?

That was not the most humiliating part of story time though.

During my active avoidance of eye contact with the doctor, I babbled to the woman on my left about how Maltsby had a date with the same groomer she uses. I went on about how his long thick hair is no match for Okinawa's tropical temperatures. Magically, quiet fell over the room and my bubbly voice rose above the rest.

I asserted to the silence, "If he were white I wouldn't worry about it so much but he's black so..."

You can see why I'm having such a rough time making friends.

Comments

[Marie]

Oh wow. I've never run into any of my doctors in a social setting. You know, he's just human -- he poops too! And he's not blessed with the ability to give birth. So there.

You know, I grew up with a school principal for a father. Whenever his students saw us out & about, they'd oggle us like we were on parade. Dudes, we're just a family. One kid commented that he didn't think the principal ever wore jeans! Yeah, he sleeps in a suit and tie...

[Karen Rani]

OUCH! I think I would have DIED RIGHT THERE ON THE SPOT. TWICE.

[MommaK]

I ran into mine at the hardware store once...talk about freaky. Lighbulbs - check, rake & leaf bags - check, hey...did'nt you just give me a breast exam? - check.

[LadyBug Crossing]

I used to run into my Docs in waiting rooms for other Docs. Now that's funny!!
LBC

[raehan]

Well, now your doc has something to talk to you about during your next visit. You caught his attention...finally.

[anne]

the doctor who checked my lady stitches was asking me if i could teach him english WHILE HE WAS CHECKING THEM. dude, no.

[Marie]

That Maltsby is a charmer!!! (commenting here since I can't on the newest post)