This is a complicated place, this here world. There is only so much sense to be made and beyond that lies the seductive lair of mayhem. I'm fairly cool with that.
Eli is not. I have mentioned how a mere blade of grass between the digits can RUIN an afternoon at the park. A park with three slides! Since then I've been watching closely at the rigorous codes and systems that govern his days. This boy craves big thick margins. I do provide some of my own rules regarding naps and food and acceptable behavior and diaper changing. That's just to prove to you that it's not a total free-for-all in our house and I know he's likely adjusting to life with Henry and all but, MAN, need he be so rigid?
Here are the first two rules of Eli's life club. It's a damn club because if I don't play along, well, I don't have that luxury. His rules are my rules as my rules are his rules. I just have fewer is all I'm trying to say.
1. Stairs are never to be climbed without Maltsby leading the pack followed by me who is followed by Momma holding Henry. Any variance from said pattern is legitimate grounds for a top-grade tantrum no questions asked.
2. Hitting is fine as long as I follow it up immediately with a syrupy "SAAaaaaah-ee".
I'll keep you posted as the rules unveil themselves.
And in other news I swore I wouldn't share with you. Eli found tampons under the sink. I didn't know they were there because how would I know that? I have had my period once since April of 2004 due to being knocked-up. I think these were the tampons that Joe bought for me shortly after I had Henry. I had asked for pads and I can see how pads and tampons fall into the same category when you're a guy and you're lingering just a little too long in the feminine hygiene aisle but then again not so much. So yes. The tampons that Eli found. They were new. He opened the box, took them out, arranged them by size and filled his dump truck with as many as it would hold. That looked to be about thirty and then tiring of that trick he proceeded to try to stick one in his bottom.
What a surprise!
While our bathroom doors are always open I assure you he hasn't seen me or anyone do anything that could even be mistaken for this act. Now why did that occur to him? He plays with pens and crayons and other similarly shaped objects and has NEVER tried to store them inside of himself. Furthermore he hasn't really discovered himself physically yet. The diapers get in the way of it. I didn't even know that he knew about that hole.
Anyway there you have it. I had to tell somebody. I chose you.