rules for the new generation: 1 & 2

This is a complicated place, this here world. There is only so much sense to be made and beyond that lies the seductive lair of mayhem. I'm fairly cool with that.

Eli is not. I have mentioned how a mere blade of grass between the digits can RUIN an afternoon at the park. A park with three slides! Since then I've been watching closely at the rigorous codes and systems  that govern his days. This boy craves big thick margins.  I do provide some of my own rules regarding naps and food and acceptable behavior and diaper changing. That's just to prove to you that it's  not a total free-for-all in our house and I know he's likely adjusting to life with Henry and all but, MAN, need he be so rigid?

Here are the first two rules of Eli's life club. It's a damn club because if I don't play along, well, I don't have that luxury. His rules are my rules as my rules are his rules. I just have fewer is all I'm trying to say.

1. Stairs are never to be climbed without Maltsby leading the pack followed by me who is followed by Momma holding Henry. Any variance from said pattern is legitimate grounds for a top-grade tantrum no questions asked.

2. Hitting is fine as long as I follow it up immediately with  a syrupy "SAAaaaaah-ee".

I'll keep you posted as the rules unveil themselves.

And in other news I swore I wouldn't share with you. Eli found tampons under the sink. I didn't know they were there because how would I know that? I have had my period once since April of 2004 due to being knocked-up. I think  these were the tampons that Joe bought for me shortly after I had Henry. I had asked for pads and I can see how pads and tampons fall into the same category when you're a guy and you're lingering just a little too long in the feminine hygiene aisle but then again not so much. So yes. The tampons that Eli found. They were new. He opened the box, took them out, arranged them by size and filled his dump truck with as many as it would hold. That looked to be about thirty and then tiring of that trick he proceeded to try to stick one in his bottom.

What a surprise!

While our bathroom doors are always open I assure you he hasn't seen me or anyone do anything that could even be mistaken for this act. Now why did that occur to him? He plays with pens and crayons and other similarly shaped objects and has NEVER tried to store them  inside of himself. Furthermore he hasn't really discovered himself physically yet. The diapers get in the way of it. I didn't even know that he knew about that hole.

Anyway there you have it. I had to tell somebody. I chose you.

On a less philosophical note, here is Eli imitating me doing something that I do do. Ha. I said do-do. The gentleman riding shotgun is Dapper Dan, a gift from my babe-a-licious cousin.

Comments

[anne]

I am sorry that I am laughing but there is nothing to be done. Every single piece of that tampon story was awesome.

[Chrissy]

Funny. My son puts toilet paper up his butt and goes "bahk, bahk". He says it is just like Chicken Little. I have yet to see this movie but I doubt a chicken would put paper up his butt.

[raehan]

Brilliant boy.

[MommaK]

Ha!! Tampons always thrill the tots. You can pack a tampon and 2 band-aids in your purse and always be ready for the check out line, the waiting room or just general boredom. They work like a charm!

So has he tried to breastfeed Dan yet?

[Heidi]

Toddlers are a very intersting breed. I don't know what the happened in our house this past month, but a full fledged toddler with tantrums and all has emerged. So, not only did I laugh HARD at the tampon story, I fully sympathize with the "rules" you have to follow.

[carrie]

Wow! One of the funnier kid stories I've heard in awhile! Avery loves my tampons, too,but he just unwraps them an runs around the house with them. Eli's a smarty. I love the new Henry photos, by the way. What sweet faced boys you have...xo c.

[Marie]

Oh my goodness. We're full-on into tantrums here. I hear you! I guess it's comforting that you all walk upstairs just so, huh?

Who knew that tampons could come in so handy! The manufacturers ought to package them as toys and then they could charge even more for them! My husband would probably do the same thing if I sent him to the store for pads...

[Mrs. S]

I can't decide which I like better about this post. The rules, I think... no, wait!! The tampon story!!

Or, actually... probably the picture...

Very hard to pick. That's how you know it's a good one ;)

Oh! And thanks for joining in on the big PB&J Debate - your input is always appreciated *hugs*

[Meredith]

Sounds like I'll be using tampons as a party favor for Eli's 2nd birthday!

Come along.

[Melody]

'Getting-back-into-the-pram' tantrums are really really big around here. This week anyway. Toddlers? Who knows how their brain works? As long as I hold her and whispher a a hundred times a day how much I love her into her cute little ears, I forget about her little tantrums.